When you’re single, there is probably 1 of 2 thoughts running through your mind. One being that you want to be in a relationship and are actively dating, or the other being that you’re just going to let things fall into place. If you haven’t put it together by now, I am usually the second although I will admit there are days when I’m right smack in between. This weekend is a really perfect example of being right in between. Yesterday was a completely “single girl” day where I spent it with my best friends, myself, and family. It was a fantastic day but by the end of the night after I had finished my book and was preparing for bed, a thought snuck in my mind and I thought to myself “I could totally use some cuddling right now.” And let me tell you, I am not one for cuddling. The only person I ever enjoyed cuddling with was my first love, but every other guy that comes through and tries to cuddle with me leaves me with “this guy is like a furnace”, and “holy shit how long do we have to do this until it’s socially acceptable to pull away” thoughts. I know, I’m an odd ball.
So last night when that ran through my mind, even though it was still hot as balls in my apartment, I of course had to over analyze the hell out of it. Is there someone in particular I want to cuddle, and why? Is it that time of the month and I’m just PMSing? Did I have a dream about my ex last night that I don’t remember that left me feeling lonely? God damn it how did I start thinking about my ex again? And ladies and gentleman, this is my thought process. Continuous stings and pricks from asshole wasps buzzing around in my head that just don’t shut up, and as soon as I realized I was falling back into old habits of over analyzing I stopped myself and had a moment of clarity. I realized that I can be 100% independent, have the sexual mentality of a guy, be very happy with my life, and still sometimes crave human contact. I am human after all, and I am not invincible. I have moments of vulnerability that leave an ache in my chest that I seek to fill with someone else, and that is perfectly fine.
The power of vulnerability is that it allows a new frame of mind to take place, and new avenues of thoughts to open up. Rather than forcing myself to find a “why” behind my random craving I looked at this this way; I had a wonderful day, and spending the end of it with a significant other who could share my joy would have been nice. That’s it. That one thought didn’t define my feelings about being single, and it certainly didn’t make me feel lonely. I’ve just realized that I am a person who enjoys sharing my successes and happiness with others, and some pillow talk would have been the best way to do it.
So instead of going to bed sad with thoughts like “why haven’t I found someone” and “I hate being alone”, I cuddled up a little closer to my pup and I just went to sleep remembering what the feeling of sunshine felt like on my skin. I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, and my mind was open to new possibilities. And that my friends, is the result of being constantly conscious about which frame of mind you’re currently in and learning to shift and morph it. It takes practice, but boy is it worth it.
I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday full of happy thoughts and sunshine. I’ll be going on two dates and trying really hard not to over analyze the hell out of every word they say. Wish me luck!