This is the time of year that I struggle with. The sun starts to shine, my skin tans, and my eyes take on an amber hue and suddenly I’m checking out every man in my vicinity. I tend to be the opposite of any other human being. During normal “cuffing season” (winter time/ holiday time) I want to be single as can be because I do NOT want to deal with attending a significant others’ family gatherings and want to be as fat and happy as can be. But if the sun starts shining, it’s a whole other story.
I’m always happy as can be as a single woman, but once the sun starts shining all I can think about is how I’m going home to drink wine in the sun alone. Today I made a dire mistake. I contemplated switching to having just one phone that works as a work phone and personal phone so then I decided to filter through my work phone to clear it of my personal footprints and ended up finding a text thread of my ex’s and mine while my personal phone was MIA. And then I read it. We talked about heading to Council Crest park after work for a picnic, our trip out of town that weekend, and then planning a summer vacation. What a kick in the ass.
Even now, as I write this, I don’t feel lonely. This is the hard part. If I felt lonely I would psycho-analyze and figure out why the hell I’m not satisfied with my own company but tonight is different. I don’t miss my ex, regardless of reading our text thread, nor do I feel sad that I don’t have a boyfriend. For god’s sake I just want to be able to text someone in the last moments of my work day and be like “skeet skirt” and have him understand that I really just want to go on a drive on the back roads and lose myself in the sunshine.
My cuffing season is summer. I want to spend my evenings drinking wine in the backyard, and my weekends speeding down sunny back roads on the way to outdoor adventures. I am STRUGGLING you guys. Tonight I was like, should I go on Tinder to see what’s on there? Luckily I was sane enough to realize I will never find what I want on Tinder.
The thing is, I always want to be single while having a physical thAng on the side, but that wasn’t how I felt today. For fucks sake, literally all I wanted was someone who would have a glass of wine poured for me, and some great conversation on the lounge chairs in my backyard. These are the moments that being fabulously alone are tough. Instead I sped on back roads on my way home, poured myself a glass of wine, and called all of my best friends when I got home so I would have some company.
It sucks. Being single isn’t always easy, but I do know I’ll have a lot of fun this summer, even if I don’t have a man.
For now I’ll listen to “Bendin’ Corners” by E-40 (skeet skirt) on my own and think forward to the days I’ll have someone who knows what I mean when I walk into the house and yell “SKEET SKIRT” and like, who will be in the car ready for me so we can go on drives in the sun.
It ain’t always easy.
P.S. If you don’t know what “skeet skirt” is, then we’re probably not that close.
P.P.S. Race car
P.P.P.S. this makes me think of another one of my relationship rules- If you don’t know how to drive a stick; we can’t be together. Not sorry.