Swerve

With mere weeks left of 2017, I’ve begun reflecting back on the past year and let me tell you… it’s quite honestly been the most disappointing year of my life. It hasn’t been the most tragic or painful, nor the happiest but somewhere in between which almost makes it worse. Like nothing significant enough happened to ensue self pity, and yet nothing great happened either and that in itself was a huge learning opportunity for myself. My life has always been one of extremes containing magnificent highs, and disturbing lows… except this year. It was weird!

Anyways, one of the things that I noticed that left me thinking was being the only one that’s 100% single, and not dating. I was in multiple relationships this year, and yet when they ended it was like my whole sense of desire died with them. Again, weird. A lot of my really close friends also went through changes in their existing relationships and I thought to myself “holy shit, we’re actually all single!”, and that’s still mostly true… except they’re still dating like sane people. Now let me tell you, it’s not like the opportunity hasn’t risen, actually quite the opposite. It’s like the ghosts of boyfriends past  all came rushing out of my closet of secrets all at once, and I even had some new opportunities come up but I quite honestly have 0 desire to even talk to people. This has been the scenario that’s been on repeat for the last few months:

Friend: “so…. tell me… any new guys?”

Me: “Oh hell no. It’s like a desert up in here. DRY AS A DESERT.”

Friend: *laughs* “what happened to your hoe phase?”

Me: “Girl. I am so bored, uninterested, and frankly mortified by these predictable mofo’s that I can’t even bring myself to enter into a hoe phase with them”.

So yeah. That sums it up. I’m sick of the “what’s up sexy” and the “send me pics” and the “you’re so damn beautiful though… how?” Like for gods sake dude is that all you’ve got?!

Regardless I wouldn’t ever stoop that low in my past, but I could at least have some fun and flirt! Now I just toss my phone to the side and think about the next time I have to go to the gym because even THAT is more entertaining at this point. Now, back to my original point…

My friends are all actually dating really great guys! Now, there doesn’t seem to be any guarantees for them yet but they’re all genuinely enjoying themselves in their dating escapades and I’m actually stoked for them. Not going to lie, I was jealous as fuck at first. I was thinking “damn, I need me one good guy.” but then I realized, if they were in my shoes would I want them thinking that way, and I instantly snapped out of it. Even I have my moments I am less than proud of! I just know that I’m exhausted from the effort that goes into dating so I’m taking a little bit of a vacation. This will include a lot of TV, trying to better some of my bad habits, and a lot of girls nights that include all of the latest gossip about their dating adventures.

So here I’ll be, awaiting the recap text of the date my friend just went on while swerving dudes who can’t come up with something more interesting than “when can I see you?”.

GOODNIGHT Y’ALL!

-Gabby

Advertisements

Don’t Be Me

Wow, it’s been quite a while. Quite honestly I don’t have any exciting dates to update you on since I have been pretty much single AF for the last month. As Slug from Atmosphere says, “I’m such a mess with love and sex” and it is totally true for me. I guess I just missed writing and after almost a whole bottle of wine to myself on a Monday I felt the need to find something to say.

Last you guys heard about my therapy (look at me trying to improve myself), I had just started going. Now one of my “goals” is to go on just one date in the next 3 months. Well, it’s already been 1 month and I have gone on all of zero dates. I canceled two dates, caught up with an old friend who then propositioned me for sex even though I thought we were just catching up, and then I had one ex ask me for “cuddles” even though I told him I was not interested in seeing him again. SERIOUSLY. And then there is one guy who I really, REALLY want to get involved with but ya know, I like him too much which means I act nonchalant and refuse to actually give a shit. Even through this, I’ve realized one thing in the past month… I am seriously fucked up. I can’t get it together in my dating life and have no clue when I’ll go on a real date. My hot and married therapist will soon start dragging me to the bar by my hair and be forced to be my wingman. Honestly not mad about this.

I wish I had some inspiration or sassy advice for you about dating, relationships, or even singledom but I’ve honestly got nothing. I am a shit show right now trying to figure out my feelings, and can’t seem to get a handle on even my every day life. I guess the only thing I have is DON’T do what I’m doing right now. Don’t go on dates because you’re bored, or because you want free food (honestly how do people sit with someone for 2 hours making awkward conversation). Additionally, drink lots of wine with your girlfriends. Also spend Sundays in bed with them watching Hulu because I swear it’ll make you feel a little less lonely in life.

At this point it seems like I need some advice on how to move forward after a disgusting break up, and after being consistently disappointed in my own unproductive singledom. Time for you guys to tell me what the hell to do. I’m seeing my hot, married therapist tomorrow so maybe he’ll wrap me up in a neat little bow to fix me (or run screaming). Have a great Monday guys!

-Gabby

How was my date?

I know you’re all wondering, how did my date go? Well, it didn’t happen and that was on my own accord. It’s not that I wasn’t ready to start dating again, rather quite the opposite. I am more than willing to be swept off of my feet again and it’s for this exact reason that I cancelled.

Two weeks ago we started talking, and he was wonderful. We held fantastic conversation, and he seemed like someone who could actually catch my attention. Then after a few days when he didn’t ask for a date, I asked him out because I actually have the balls to. Well he said he’d love to, and we planned on going to a local bar that I love going to. So where did it go wrong? He didn’t text me after that. Five days went by which meant two more days before our scheduled date so I texted him to confirm, and he said we were absolutely still on so I felt a little better. Aaaaaand then he didn’t text me at all for two more days. So come Sunday morning (the day we were supposed to meet) and I waited for him to text me to make sure we were still on, or even just see if I was still fucking alive. Well come 3 hours before the date and I didn’t hear a goddamn word so what did I do? I texted him and told him I just wasn’t feeling well and that I couldn’t make it. I totally lied, which I kind of wish I just told him exactly how it was but figured it was his place to find out why I cancelled. He told me to feel better, and it’s been silence ever since.

Now am I ashamed? Absolutely not, and just for the reason I stated above. I’ve honest to god been with so many fuckboys that love to waste my time that I won’t even spend a couple hours with someone on a first date if I see even one red flag. His red flag was simply the effort he was, or wasn’t, willing to put into getting to know me. If he doesn’t want to get to know me, then nor do I. Just because we had a date planned doesn’t mean he had it in the bag so I waved goodbye and am onto the next.

In this dating game, we have to know exactly what we want and what we’re willing to deal with. It ain’t a pretty world out there, and that’s okay… we just need to stick to our mission. Mine? To find a man who is man enough to date someone as much as me. Yeah I’m needy, have high standards, and have a mean glare if you cross me but baby I know for damn sure I’m worth it. In the words of my hot therapist, “it’s time you let a man in who is man enough to know what he’s winning with you”. Ya damn skippy beard man, ya damn skippy.

-Your sassy (and just fine being single) blogger, Gabby

The Era of Dating Has Begun

Look out y’all! Gabby is going on a date tomorrow, and she is kind of excited and maybe also a little terrified. It’s been over a year since I went on a date with someone I didn’t already know and I am already wondering what the hell I’ve gotten myself into but no stopping me now, I won’t let myself bail. Let me tell you what I expect from this date.

First off, let me start by saying that people’s comments on his looks are HILARIOUS. Of course I had to show his Bumble profile to my friends, and this is a compilation of reactions- “Why does he look so sad?!” “Why are you going on a date with a black bear?!” “His beanie makes him look like he belongs on the Burnside Bridge” and last but not least, “Now THAT was a hard Mexican U-Turn from your usual” which of course all had me dying of laughter… And they’re all kind of true. I will admit, he is not my usual type (tall with blue eyes and blonde hair), but something about him clicks with me! He’s got a scruffy beard (the bear comment), indeed has really sad eyes (which I must say sucked me in for some reason), and wears work boots in all of his pictures. He’s definitely a hard Mexican u-turn from the usual basic fuckboys out here but I have a good feeling about him.

Why, you  may ask? At one point we were talking about our drinks of choice and his is whiskey (I mean is anyone surprised?), and mine of course was wine. I started talking about how fascinated I am even with the process of how wine is made, and how I dream of owning my own vineyard one day. Of course after I babbled on I said “but anyways I could go on for decades about wine” and instead of changing the subject as I expected him to he said “well shit, tell me more then”. That one comment instantly made me realize I would be down for a date, and made me really excited. Show me one guy who is selfless enough to let his girl go on about a topic that she loves? Anyone? I didn’t think so.

So yes, I may be going on a date with a cute, and sad bear of sorts but I am stoked. I’m expanding my horizons y’all, so who knows what kind of man I’ll end up with next. Stay tuned, I’ll post an update on Monday about how it went.

P.S. We’re going to my go-to hole in a wall bar where groups of men hang out after a hard day of work and it’s totally not a date spot. Now let’s see how he can handle himself in a game of pool against me, and how strong he takes his drink.

Cheers!

-Gabby

My Truth

Today I started therapy for the first time in years, and it was absolutely freeing. We didn’t even dive into the nitty gritty of the shit show that is my life, but even just having to confront my issues in order to tell him why I was there was just what I needed.

It’s time to speak my truth, and I know I’ve mentioned in the last few blog posts how vulnerable I have been and here it is again. I am bathing in what feels like my own blood and tears. I have no other choice but to hurt like hell, and be brutally honest. Here’s what the last year of my life has been like.

In June of last year I lost my dad. We didn’t have the best relationship growing up, but as I got older he became my rock and as I’ve continued on without him I realize how much I truly am just like him. He never failed to tell me that, but I never really saw past our relationship problems to see them until now. After he passed, we dealt with the whirlwind of legal issues that followed. After that, I started seeing one guy. And another. And then a guy from my past. And then ANOTHER guy from my past (the one I always write about. The ex that was my first love. The one that broke my heart… more than once). That was my most recent one, and I touched briefly about him in my last blog post that stayed up for less than 24 hours. I ended up deleting it because he and I broke up again. Yes again, for like the 7th time. I know…

So let me just touch on that briefly before I move on. I highly doubt that you will see any more blog posts about him, even just referring to past love. Though I have many years of my life that were golden due to him, I also have a lot of darkness with him and I realized that in this last week. In today’s session with my therapist while discussing the break up, he noticed I started rubbing my stomach a bit and asked how I was doing. He can already tell that it’s really hard for me to dive deep… except in my writing of course. I let him know that every time I think of him or talk about him I begin to feel physically sick to my stomach and he said “is it because you miss him, or because he makes you sick?” and I laughed… and then I thought about it and for the first time in my life I was very confident when I said “it’s not because I miss him.” and I have never been able to say that I didn’t miss him. After the words we exchanged, it’s clear that our love is one that will stay in my memories, but at this point in our lives we both want and strive for very different things from a relationship. So that’s done.

After realizing today that the last year has been filled with relationship after relationship, I am honestly exhausted. My therapist asked me another question that really piqued my attention. He said, “is your self esteem better or worst now than it was about a month ago?” and I was really amazed by my answer. Though I’ve had a lot of struggles in this last week while mourning a relationship that I never realized would actually die, I had more self esteem than I did while I was in a relationship. It’ll end up being another thing I work on over time, but it’s interesting that my self esteem is higher when I’m alone. It’s something that should absolutely remain consistent, but again the power to open my eyes has really given me the ability to morph things I didn’t realize needed to be changed.

I guess the moral of this post is to say that it’s really my time to be honest with myself, and find my path. I’ve felt lost for a long time, and I look forward to the coming months that will allow me to ease into dating (I SAID EASE. DON’T GET EXCITED NOW) and discovering what really fills my cup. I hope you’re all able to brutally honest with yourself, whether it makes you sick to your stomach or not, and join me in this exciting journey. I appreciate all of you, and I know this blog will help me get there. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up writing about something else because it seems like relationships and dating are not my forte. Watch out y’all, the possibilities are endless.

P.S. My therapist is super hot, and has a rocking beard.  P.P.S. He’s married, so don’t get any ideas. No Hallmark movies happening here.

-Gabby

 

Trade you a bouquet for a shot

It’s a Monday, and I’m three glasses of wine in so here we are! Of course, when I’m feeling loose and a little funny I gravitate towards my blog and my readers. I love you guys… Can you tell I’m the lovey drunk? LOL!

So today I’m here to talk about why being out of a toxic relationship is honestly so great. I’ve been listening to a few of my friends who are currently struggling a bit with their relationship, and I must admit… I am not at all envious. As much as I love being single, I honestly enjoy being in a relationship as well but hearing the ones floating around these days is not giving me a whole lot of hope. After being their ear and shoulder, I’ve made a single observation. They stay because they’re scared of having to try again.

Whether it’s their age, or the fact that they’ve been with that person for so long it seems impossible to actually end it. It’s too easy to say “It could get better” and a lot freaking harder to say “I need more than this”. I’ve noticed it in particular with women because we’re raised in a society that says you have to be married by 26 and kids by 28. It’s impossible to ignore these pressures when you’re constantly thinking about how your ovaries are going to shrivel up at any moment and suddenly you’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. What a way to live.

Honestly I don’t judge my friends, I feel for them. I find the best words I have to try to convince them that they deserve so much more than some guy who constantly says he needs more time to propose, or a guy who says he’ll do better as soon as he gets a better paying job. But it’s hard, and I get it. I’ve been there. When is the right time to give up without regretting it? At what point do you transition from “we just need to communicate better” to “this is simply not working out”. It’s impossible to know when  the best time is, and it’s impossible to know if you’ll regret leaving that person in the long run. Add in external pressures such as “you need to have kids before you have nothing else to live for” and suddenly it feels like the moment you have to dive for the flower bouquet at a wedding in hopes you even catch a fucking petal. By the way, who even came up with that tradition? Can we just take shots instead?

Long story short, witnessing my friends settle for disappointment and a memory of love makes me so sad. I wish they could see themselves in my eyes, and I wish their boyfriend could too. But unfortunately, humans are beings of action rather than reflection. It takes a multitude of someone screwing up rather than deciding to move on. Trust me, I’ve been guilty of this 5/5 times. I’m no better, and I want to clarify that. I love too much, and give too many chances. But at the end of the day, I am not scared at all of being alone and I wish that others felt the same. Let me tell you- it’s a lot easier to be happy alone rather than disappointed and committed.

On to the next glass of wine, and listening to some more Common in this gorgeous sunshine. Enjoy your evening y’all, and to my girls who read this and feel a little ping in their heart… I love you guys, and I just want you to see yourselves the way I see you. Gorgeous, ambitious, strong, whole hearted, and YOU. I love you guys.

-Tipsy Gabby

 

 

Pain VS. Love

I saw a post on Facebook today that said “true love always finds a way to come back”, and I thought a lot about this. Out of curiosity, I looked at the comments on this post and found many reactions. Many people said that if it was true love to begin with than it wouldn’t have left. Others said that they were currently living that time because of the wrong timing in the past making that love to fail, in that moment. Now, what do I think?

I believe that true love does indeed have a way of finding its way back. I believe this due to the fact that after being in love once, and being without that love for 3 years, nothing has really changed about my love for him. In these 3 years, my life has changed in so many ways. I’m more successful in my career, have experienced losing my dad, have fought many health issues on my own, lost and cultivated other strong relationships in my life, and have learned what makes me so great. Even though everything has changed, that feeling of love has not. Maybe that means I’m weak, but I like to think that it means what he and I had was real.

Now does it find a way of coming back? From my experience, yes. I’ve had changes in my own body when he was in pain, even though I didn’t know it. I would go weeks without thinking about him, and suddenly feel a pain in my chest and then come to find out he was going through a difficult time in his life. If that feeling of love roots itself in to my being, than of course it would find a way to return eventually. The next question to ask is, is it worth it?

Let’s say he did somehow return to my life, would the pain I felt be worth the love I feel? I think this would be different for every single person. For myself, I have always been one that bathes in my own vulnerability which makes me weaker in some ways, and stronger in others. I think for others they simply wouldn’t allow themselves to dabble with the idea. It’s embarrassing to open yourself up to hurt again, and of course it’s risky. If you hurt once, you’ll hurt again.

So is it worth it? If i’m honest, I don’t think that I will ever have the answer to this question. I don’t know if the pain would be worth the love, but what I do know is that it’s more than that. It’s not as simple as pain vs. love. In my case I did indeed experience pain and love, though I also experienced what it’s like to be challenged. I experienced pure happiness in just smiling at him, and felt what it was like to be 100% in sync with someone. So for me, when I think about if he were to walk in to my life again it’s difficult for me to simply look at “is he going to hurt me again?”. I think to myself “If I were to walk away, would I live with myself knowing it was my choice to drop love?” I don’t think I would.

Here’s to love.

-Gabby… A.K.A the girl who’s still obsessed with love.

Single, and Obsessed With Love

I am my past, and it has guided me. That’s what I’ve learned in my 22 years of life, and thus far has not failed me. I’ve learned from things that have happened to me as well as situations I’ve been in and it has influenced the decisions that I make to this day. In my past, I struggled with voicing exactly what I needed from a relationship, and I’ve gotten much better at doing that today.

I know you that last you knew I was in a committed relationship with a wonderful man who met all 5 of my non-negotiables, which is true. But it didn’t work out. This just goes to show that things don’t always go according to plan, and a list of what you need in your significant other is not enough, nor is love. Love is a beautiful, hardly attainable being in itself that is definitely worth fighting for, but the problem in my last relationship was that I wasn’t in love.

I wanted to be, but I wasn’t. I was met with impossible decisions near the end when I realized I woke up in the morning prepared to justify why our relationship wasn’t making me happy. I was used to being disappointed by my lack of emotion, as well as the lack of effort on his part. He may read this, and I hope that I don’t hurt him, but I must be honest. That is my commitment I’ve made to this blog and to my readers. I am genuine, honest, as well as vulnerable. I was in a relationship that I really wanted to work out, but it just wasn’t meant to be. He was attentive, giving, and perfect for somebody else… Just not me.

Today, I thought a lot about how I wanted to reach out to all of you. To write to all of you. But I just didn’t know what I wanted to write about. I haven’t been seeing anybody else, and haven’t gone on any dates so what advice did I have to give? Well here’s my advice.

Be true to yourself. You are your past, and you have learned whether consciously or subconsciously about what you need based on relationships you’ve had in the past. What I learned is that years ago I was deeply in love, and though it hurt towards the end, it’s certainly something I’d like to strive for again. An ex-boyfriend of mine years ago once told me “You’re obsessed with the idea of love”, and maybe I am. Maybe I am eager to feel that love again, but maybe I crave what I’ve once felt in the past. Maybe I want to feel like my soul belongs to someone else. I am true to myself and can realize that if I am going to be with someone, I need that consuming love. Mediocracy is not in my vocabulary, so why should I advocate for it? I didn’t, I haven’t, and I will not.

I am convinced that we are independent beings created to thrive on our own. I am additionally convinced that the only time we can become higher than the highest potential of our own being is when we have a significant other that lifts us up. Call me unrealistic or cheesy, but I am pretty convinced that my view about this will never change. I am my past, and my past has taught me that anything worth living for is worth suffering through. Have a good night y’all, and I can’t wait to be back with you guys. I love being single with all of you. ❤

P.S. I am newly blonde, so there’s that!

19143189_10203506449097645_5332462668392134619_o

-Gabby (single and obsessed with love)

“Oh my god… Is that him?”

“Oh my god, is that him?!” we’ve all said it to ourselves a time or two when we thought we saw our ex in public, but then we realize that it’s actually possible for another guy to have the same shirt as our ex. But what happens if it’s actually not a false alarm? Suddenly the back of this guy looks really freaking familiar, and you swear you’ve seen that mole on his ear before. Is that really him?! You ask yourself.. Yes, why yes it is. Mayday, mayday, mayday, it’s time for world war 3 people and we are ready for intelligent warfare. This is not a drill people, time to conjure every single hurt emotion this man has caused.

It’s like it’s all happening in slow motion. You realize that this man actually is your ex, and you suddenly take a mental inventory of what you’re wearing. “Seriously  bitch, you’re wearing your fucking bad yoga pants in public? WHY DID YOU NEED ICE CREAM RIGHT NOW?!” and then the worst happens. He feels your stare on his back, and it’s like you see the rest in slow motion. You’re thinking about the way your hair looks like a baby gorilla’s, and he and his disgustingly shiny hair is turning slowly. You begin to see the corner of his mouth and remember the way it felt against your own, and then suddenly your staring square into his eyes. His eyes light up, and you’re preparing for every decent response to “how have you been?!’ which could include “depressed and drunk” or “better without you”, and even “fine. Thanks, bye.”

Now at this point in this inconvenient rendezvous, your conversation could go about 1 of 3 ways. You realize what you miss and begin to question every decision you’ve made since you split, you feel so much better off and add an extra pop to your hips when you walk away, or you feel nothing at all (when does this ever happen? Seriously.)

Pause for a minute. This morning while I was at work we all began delving in to the past when he had mistakenly run in to our exes, and though I didn’t hear a separate story to fit each category,  I am pretty confident that I am right. One of my coworkers ran in to her ex today when she was at Safeway and he would NOT let her walk out of that store without a background story of her life’s happenings. She honestly tried so hard to get out of that situation, like when you hear those stories about ordering a top secret shot at the bar when you’re on a bad date that calls them an Uber, but he was not having it. She did the classic chick move. Throw your head down, hope that he doesn’t recognize your walk, ignore his desperate calls of your name, and EVACUATE. He wasn’t having it. He, I shit you not, followed her out of the store and refused to let her walk away before he knew that perhaps he wasn’t the only miserable one without her. Boy, was he wrong. After their conversation, and finding out he worked a few blocks from her favorite lunch spot, she vowed to step up her work game, throw on the falsies, and look DAMN good when she saw him next.

Now, this is what I was referring to earlier. It wasn’t that she necessarily had anything against him, but there’s something satisfying about knowing that you look jaw-dropping when potentially running in to your ex. If she seems him at the salad bar tomorrow, all he’ll be able to do is stare at her ass while popping cherry tomatoes on his salad. Sorry bud, but this is what you missed out on, and damn right I am doing much better without you.

Unfortunately when I saw my ex in public almost a year ago, this is not the reaction I had, though it was a little similar. I saw him at a car show (I should have known it would happen) and silly me was pointing at a car directly behind him when my best friend realized I happened to be pointing directly at my ex boyfriend. I remember that I had recognized his shirt in the moment, but it was a car shirt so I thought “every guy probably has that shirt”. Now, in this moment, it was just as described above. Horrible, in slow motion, and nightmare causing for the following weeks. As I’m pointing at a GTR behind him  my best friend says “Gabby, stop. That’s him”. Of course I am oblivious as shit as to what’s going on (when am I not?) and I then lock eyes with him. This is one of those moments that you reflect one. What did his eyes say? Why did he instantly drop his girlfriends hand when he locked eyes with me? And of course, why did I gape at his girlfriend with an open mouth? Well luckily in my situation, I gaped at her because she did not look like the girl I had remembered from stalking his Facebook.

My experience was different than my coworkers in that her ex had known what he missed out on, whereas my ex and myself included refused to admit that we had seen each other. Instead I acted like I didn’t see him race a car, and he acted like he hadn’t been awed by my beauty causing him to drop his girlfriends hand (yes, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it)

Moral of the story, when you see your ex and you begin questioning what you’re wearing, why you decided on this day to skip flossing, or why you gained that extra 10 pounds just remember this; they were in love with you for a reason and if they saw you in public somewhere, they are wondering about you. He went home, and he questioned every part of his life, whether consciously or subconsciously, and even if you aren’t proud of the size of your ass right now, you better ROCK that thing back and forth when walking away.

Work it ladies!

My best,

The girl who lost 30 pounds and looked really fucking good when I saw my ex *hair flip*

Baby, I’m All In

Daniel and I are currently in the honeymoon stage, and having both had serious relationships in the past we’re both stretching out this stage as long as we can. The problem? We’re also really good at doing the married shit.

We definitely have most aspects of the honeymoon stage down. We are actually professionals, and could teach a course on how to be absolutely adorable. We are that couple that has disgustingly cute secret looks we share, photos of us kissing, long phone calls when we’re away from each other, and of course the Facebook Official status. No seriously, just look at us-

17155656_10203082847987882_2600410661308059760_n

Now that you see what I mean, let me explain why I said we’re good at the whole “marriage” part of a relationship. Two weeks into our relationship he came over to my moms to help her cut down a tree and chop wood. This weekend we’re planning on hanging out at his new house, and hanging up drapes. Like, what?

Though it may not typically be a part of the honeymoon stage, I actually find solace in it. It’s relieving to me because when I’m in the honeymoon stage, I overthink every single part of my relationship. I mentioned in my last post that I am completely genuine with him, which I am, but I also hide many of my fears. One example is that I was worried about asking him if he wanted to be Facebook official even though we had both made it pretty clear to each other that we were exclusive. I was worried that he was worried about what his friends or family would think. Shit, I was worried about what they would think of me. Would I be as pretty as his exes? Would they see my age and assume I was too young and immature for him? Just a few reasons why I didn’t even bother asking.

Anyways, last night a pretty incredible thing happened. Daniel and I were on the phone and he brought the whole Facebook official thing up himself. He asked me if I was ready, and expressed that he was worried that I would be freaked out by our pace. I guess he has gotten to know me pretty well, huh? I giggled, wiped imaginary sweat off of my forehead and said “baby, I’m all in”.

Now, writing this post I feel very silly. What a problem for a millennial, am I right? As silly as it is, these are real things that millennials are concerned about! We are surrounded by the vision of other happy couples on Facebook (currently me and my boo), and feel the need to live up to those same expectations! The problems are not real, though they are there at the forefront of our minds. These are problems that typically arise in the honeymoon stage, and they are problems I don’t really don’t know how to face.

The marriage shit though? I have that down! Do we fight over who took the garbage out last? No, but at least if we did I would know how to handle it… *cue the Gabby glare and eyebrow raise* It’s in the longer relationship and the actual problems where I feel I shine most. I am good at listening to my SO’s problems, and hoping to offer valuable advice. I’m better at choosing drapes than I am at meeting family and planning busy weekends full of adventures. I’m better at those things because I did them all before, and honestly I don’t really remember how to simply fall. I only remember the dread I felt after falling.

In the midst of all of these realizations, I am recognizing one thing. The honeymoon stage may be a bit more difficult for me, but it’s just another opportunity for me to grow. In this stage with Daniel, I’ve learned trust. When he doesn’t answer my texts right away or text me as soon as he’s off work I don’t automatically jump to conclusions like I used to. In fact, I just put my phone down and busy myself with my own responsibilities. This stage of our relationship when we only see each other on weekends gives me the ability to continue cultivating friendships, my own lifestyle, and makin’ dat money of course.

So, moral of the story… Whether we stay in the honeymoon stage or practice dipping our toes in the marriage style of relationships, baby I am all in.

Goodnight y’all.

-Gabby