Dating Apps? *facepalm*

So I did a thing last night, and it’s caused me immense joy that I can’t wait to share with you guys. I joined 3 different dating apps, strictly for research purposes for this blog, and I thought I’d share my experience with you guys. I joined Tinder and Plenty of Fish (both of which I’ve had in the past), along with OKCupid. I used all of the same photos, and mostly the same description of myself being “obsessed with success, in love with my GTI, and am a fan of guys who can make me laugh”. I kept it short and sweet since I joined 3 apps in one night. This actually took me like 3 hours last night so you all better appreciate this sacrifice I’ve made for your entertainment. Here’s what I discovered about each app-

**warning: I am using real examples that I came across in the last 12 hours. After reading this post you may think of me as a total asshole because I’m going to be 100% honest, and that is a risk I am willing to take. Guarantee I speak for like 95% of girls on this one, let’s be real.

Tinder: 

Tinder is… a complete waste of time though I think that partially may be my fault. I didn’t really spend too much time on it (may I remind you I did this 3 other times), and you can’t chat with people unless you match first. I think I swiped right on like 5 guys, and then got bored and moved on to the next app. But what I did observe is the kinds of guys typically on there. There are 4 categories of Tinder guys; Obsessed with themselves, mad at the world, complete douchebags, and nice guys that generally try too hard.

“Obsessed with themselves” guys are the ones that only have shirtless photos up and say things like “Let’s go workout together” in their bio. They’re also easily spotted by their Snapchat name that is always listed in their bio because they want us all to see their protein shakes. I eat way too much pizza for this guy, swipe left.

“Mad at the world” guys are the ones that go on a rant in their bio. They look like completely normal human beings and their bio says something like “if you’re going to match with me and then not message me you may as well just unmatch me. Don’t waste my time”. Holy cow I don’t even know this kid and he’s already mad as hell. Swipe left.

“Complete douchebag”, (also known as fuck boy), guys are my favorite. I shit you not this is a bio I read: “Just a squirrel trying to get his nut. None of that “no hookups” bullshit.” and then it goes on to a very romantic poem that makes me feel some sort of way, I’ll keep that open to your interpretation. It says: “Roses are red. Violets are blue. Swipe me right, and we’ll most likely screw.” This guy sounds like a real keeper *scoff*.

“nice guys that generally try too hard” actually make me kind of sad because the good Gabby wants to swipe right, but the asshole in me always swipes left. Here’s an exact replica, errors included: “Looking for loong term,get to know eachother, build happy life, im a fun person:). Desire me and ill care for u forever. Be who you are and I will like you are, like me back and we might have a future want a well put together guy? here he is”. I feel like this guy has a great heart, but I wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with him without blowing my brains out. Left!

Basically, don’t use Tinder unless you have no self respect or self esteem. I think the only reason a woman should be on Tinder is when she is desperate to get laid. Do you booboo!

Plenty of Fish:

Plenty of fish is one of the better dating apps, although there are a shit ton of weirdos on this app. Truly odd people flock to this app, and I’m convinced that when guys sign up they are asked filtering questions such as “have you ever had thoughts of having sex with your dog”. Like, that kind of weird. Here are some guys I talked to-

Really desperate guy: He messaged me 3 times in a 12 hour span, with no response from me. Each message started with “what you doing”, and asked an additional question such as “what’s your favorite beach”. I am estimating that in about 3 hours he will send me a long message about how I’m a bitch because I didn’t respond. Oops!

Forward type: His message read “first date, beach tomorrow.” I am actually considering this because it’s going to be hot as hell in Portland this weekend. What do you think the chances are that I will be raped and killed?

Dudes got jokes: I had 7 people use knock knock jokes on me since I like a guy with a sense of humor. Seriously?! When was the last time anyone used a knock knock joke IN PERSON?!

Overall review- Plenty of Fish is decent, but you’ve gotta weave through a lot of messages. I also didn’t figure out how to use the extras like “viewed me”, “meet me”, and “favorites” because I am impatient.

 

OKCupid:

Apparently, OKCupid is the place to be if you’re looking for a serious relationship. I did a little poll on Facebook to see what dating apps people are using, and like 5 people responded that they met their significant other on OKCupid. Wow! Unfortunately, I did not have this same experience although I was only on it for 12 hours and didn’t really try that hard. Here are some guys I talked to-

Creeper- This guy was 35 and from Houston, TX. (May I remind you I am 21 and live in Portland, OR). I don’t know how he found me, and frankly I don’t want to know. He also asked me if I was Romanian (which I am), so that freaked me out. I didn’t respond. *shiver*

Foot fetish guy: This guy. Oh man. I was actually concerned about his mental well being so I did in fact respond to him. He messaged me first and was surprisingly articulate with his request. It was something along the lines of “I’d love to touch your feet. It feels great. I could worship them” although it was a lot longer, more thought out, and very descriptive. We ended up talking about how I felt that was not a great way to start a conversation, foot fetish or not, and then somehow I was his new therapist? I have no clue how this escalated but it went from licking feet, to me being completely honest about his request, to him talking about how he hates dating and has lots of crazy ex girlfriends… How do I put myself in these situations?

Really nice, not cute- We had a decent conversation about dogs, our jobs, and when he asked for my number I said goodnight. I’m THAT person that needs to be madly attracted to their significant other. Sorry, not sorry.

 

I’d have to say that choosing to date online is exhausting and now I remember why I decided it wasn’t for me. I suppose I may be old fashioned in the way I  value initial chemistry. Either way, I am very tired and need a nap and also feel kind of violated. I will let you all know if I decide to go to the beach with that one dude even though he is probably a fuck boy. *sigh*

 

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