To My Girls

Hello All!

It’s 8am and I got a little wine happy last night so I’m suffering from a bit of a pulsing headache, but besides that life is good! Well, life is crazy hectic while I move in with my brother, and we continue renovations on the house but even through the stress I am doing my best to look at the bright side of everything. Last night I was in the most blissful state for the first time in weeks and I’m sure it has something to do with the red wine, but I think it’s mostly the people I’ve surrounded myself with.

I was face timing my best friend while we watched the Bachelorette (Can you believe Jojo sent Luke and Chase home?! My heart, it hurts!) and munched on popcorn. We shared sarcastic remarks, screams of disbelief, and most of all laughs. It was fantastic. I even got my brother and his best friend to watch it with me while they shoveled away beer after beer. They made it about halfway through before they shuffled outside to get their man cards back, it was great.

This morning as I swallow a whole bottle of Excedrin, and keep my Gatorade close by it dawned on me that friendships like this one are vital to anyone’s sanity. Through the most difficult time of my life I can escape by always counting on my friends to make me laugh. This vital part of life was missing for me a few years ago when I lost myself in my relationship with my ex, and it wasn’t until now that I realized that. Sometimes when we are engulfed in love or lust, we tend to fall behind on developing our friendships with the people who we know will always be in our life, judgement free. Constantly building a loving relationship, and attempting to intertwine your entire life with someone else’s tends to leave little room for family or friends and that is a damn shame. As happy or unhappy as I may have been in that relationship, there were many times I felt completely alone and I still hesitated to pick up the phone to dial my friends. Maybe it was the feeling of guilt because I knew I let those friendships suffer, or it may have been the fear of judgement passed on to me.

Either way, I was in the wrong since I hadn’t taken the time I should have to connect with my dear friends. I was lucky enough to be mostly welcomed back into open arms when that relationship ended, and I am still grateful for that to this day. As a single girl, I definitely take much more time to cultivate those friendships, but I still can’t promise perfection. Life gets in the way, and I’m bound to drop a few things here and there when I’m juggling so many things. Though I can admit this, I will also promise to continue to do my best to be the best friend I can be. I know I am so incredibly lucky to have amazing friends, and I can only hope that I’ve given someone the happiness they’ve given me. To my girls, my partners in crimes, my main bish, my unbiological sisters, my soul sisters, my best friends; I seriously love the shit out of you guys. You know who you are! Cheers to you beauties! 13495128_10201956093459723_1084236854949798001_n

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Online Dating for Dummies

So an old friend of mine recently reached out to me on Facebook after reading a few of my blog posts, and asked me for some advice as he had just joined Plenty of Fish. I definitely word vomited more than what was probably welcome, but I loved that a male was asking for my opinion. After I gave him my advice, I continued to think about what it would look like if a guy created the PERFECT profile, from a girls perspective. Can you tell yet what this post will be about, yet?

Let me tell you, I almost went a little overboard and created a fake POF account to use as an example, and then realized I’d have no men’s pictures to put up… Unless of course I have some volunteers who would like to take one for the team *wiggles eyebrows*. So instead, it’ll just be little ol’ me blabbing on about what I think most women would like to see on a dating profile, and what makes us run for the hills. Saving the dating world, one fuck boy at a time!

Let’s use POF as an example, and I’m going to walk you through each section of setting up a profile. Remember, this is for setting up a guys profile, since I am speaking from what I would like to see as a woman. Got it? Here we go!

 

Okay so let’s start with your user name, and yes even this matters. It acts as your first impression, and that’s one you definitely can not change! I can’t count how many guys I said “hell no” to because their user name was something like “dopeboy69”. Like really? I have no words for this. Try to aim for something that’s related to your name, and maybe has something to do with hobby of yours. As a woman, I analyze every single thing on your profile before I even reply to your message. That’s how serious this is boys!

Next is the random ass blank gather field that gives absolutely no instruction as to what it’s supposed to represent. Mine says “make me laugh” because I still have no fucking clue what is supposed to go in there. I have noticed many guys saying things like “Get to know me and you won’t be let down” which by the way sounds super desperate, and other guys will say “easy going guy” which I think is most definitely more appropriate. This is part of your selling point since it shows up under your username, picture, age, and location. This is supposed to be what catches our attention so use something that’s indicative of who you are, and makes us stop for a second to look through your profile. You have to remember we get a SHIT ton of messages, and no I don’t look at everyone’s or answer everyone. You need to stand out in this dog eat dog world. Or fish eat fish?

Next on the list is a drop down list of your Personality Type. I personally  hate this part because it makes me question my identity. Am I intellectual, or am I a bookworm? I can’t do this! *panic* I would suggest being as honest as possible in this area. That’s the only advice I have.

Next is the really boring stuff that you shouldn’t have to think about. If you’re thinking, you’re trying too hard and are on the border line of being a fuck boy. Just be REAL. It asks your location, first name, height, if you’re a smoker, body type, and ethnicity. The body type area is a little more difficult for some, so it also has the option to add “prefer not to say”. This is also another way of saying “a few extra pounds, I just don’t want to admit it” which I get. I am right there with ya!

Moving on, we arrive to the Basic Information area. It asks if you’re straight, and what you’re looking for on POF. Now this is a test, because this tells a lot about you. If you choose “hang out” that means fuck buddy. We all know it, so don’t try and act like it’s anything else. If you choose “long term” or “dating” you will most likely be more successful. Now if you choose “friends” then get the hell off of POF. Why would you be on this for friends?! Just download Pokemon Go or something! OY!

Lol, marital status. Ah, the golden ticket. If you’re not single, divorced, or widowed then gtfo. Now the next like 10 questions are all drop down choices that are really simple questions. Don’t lie on these areas because if we meet up and I have to pick you up even though you claimed to have a car, I am out. So quick.

After answering all of those boring questions, we approach the Relationship Information section which asks what your intent is, and how long your longest relationship was. Let me give you some insight on this area. Obviously, you should be completely honest. I can’t stress this enough. If you choose “No commitment” for your intent, then it all warns us that you’re probably an asshole with commitment issues. If we’re looking to get laid, then cool let’s do it and we won’t have expectations for more. It’s a win-win for everyone! Next is the “longest relationship” choice and I personally pay a lot of attention to this. I don’t date guys whose longest relationship was less than a year. I pay attention to this because a length of a relationship tells a lot about  maturity, and if you are a serial dater then I can’t fuck with you.

Now the second to best part… “about  me”. Now this, my dear gentleman, is why it’s so important to listen up. If you’ve zoned out throughout this whole blog, now would be a great time to focus again. Here we go… DO NOT talk about what you expect women to do for you. This is my number one red flag. When you say shit like “If you can’t hang with the boys on a night of drinking, don’t bother” it literally lights a fire inside of me and it’s not the good kind. Don’t give me specifics about what you may consider a success. Don’t feel the need to literally sell yourself with something like “I have a full time job, and own my home”. Do you want a congratulations balloon? Like I’m confused… Just tell me ABOUT you. I love when I can hear a guys passion through his bio, even if it’s about something I have no care for. Into cars? Awesome! Tell me about the mods you’ve done on your car or why you’re into imports or domestics. Just give me some sort of accurate idea as to who YOU are, not what you’ve done.

Last but not least, we come to uploading pictures. This is an interesting one because a lot of guys are absolutely terrible at taking pictures. Its simple really… Choose one that tells me something about you or your hobbies, show me one of you with your friends, or just a full body photo (NOT shirtless), and a few selfies. Now if you’re completely stone faced in your photos, you better just take all new photos. Also please don’t choose some from your graduation 3 years ago. Move on!

Oh my, do my fingers hurt after typing all of that. Well, there it is folks. How to: Dating Profiles for Dummies. Totally disagree with me, or have something to add? I want to hear from you! Want to guest blog and write this from a dude’s perspective? Let me know, that actually sounds like a great time! Happy  Hump Day y’all, and happy hunting! 😉

 

 

Self-Care

Can you believe that I haven’t posted a single blog post in July? It’s a shame, really. The reason why I’ve been staying away from the blog is because I’m in a really  odd part of my life, and I feel like I’m forcing a few puzzle pieces together that don’t quite belong. As a Gemini, I tend to go through seasonal ruts where I question everyone and everything in my life. Every time it happens, I tend to push it out of my mind and choose to ignore what my soul is screaming at me because change is hard. I’ve always been one who is more open to change, but I’ve noticed that the older I get, the more resistant I am to change. I am not letting myself do that this time.

As you know, my dad passed away last month and since then I haven’t even had time to really grieve my dad. Besides the tears that sometimes surprise me I can’t stand to think about “where” he has gone, because I begin to panic. I never realized how much I feared death, but I do and it consumes me which is why I’ve thrown myself into other things. My dating life is continuing, although I notice myself resisting it because well let’s be real, I’m a fucking mess right now. I’ve obviously been back at work (I didn’t take the full two week bereavement leave as I was offered, and only took 4 days off. My first mistake…), and I’ve also been thrown into the legality of death, and it is ruthless. My dad didn’t leave a Will behind so my brother and I are currently fighting the state to keep his house, and cars. To do this, we have to enter a 6 month long process of pretty much waiting around. In order to keep his assets, we must figure out a way to pay my dads bills he has left over so we had begun renovations on his home so we could sell it and pay his bills. But of course when life gets hard it also likes to curb stomp you and spit on you, and we ran into many unexpected costs if we were to continue renovating the house.

So we haven’t quite figured out where we are going from here, but I did realize something. It was Sunday night, and I finally felt like I could breathe after suffering from constant anxiety for the last few weeks. My chest just felt open, and my soul full from the words of the book I was reading. My phone starts ringing, and it’s my mom to tell me the bad news about the additional costs. After weeks of holding it together, I finally lost my shit and I was so angry. I was pissed that this world is so cruel, and I hated how much I missed my dad, and I was resentful that I hadn’t forced him to make a will, and I was just angry. I went to bed pissed off at the world, and I think that’s what got to me the most.

I awoke on Monday morning with a killer headache, and a shitty mood. As I arrived to work, I continued on as if nothing had happened. Sometime in the middle of the day, I had the most random epiphany and realized that I do my best to stay conscious of how people around me feel, that I sometimes have a very hard time admitting that “No, I am not okay” and this is more damaging than anything else. I need to stop acting like I’m not suffering from the worst anxiety of my life, and I need to stop smiling like life is dandy. Life really freaking sucks right now, and that’s okay. It’s normal. Everyone goes through it. The only part of it I can control, is how I react to it. So I made some quick decisions that may not benefit those around me, but are truly the best option for ME. I am leaving my comfortable, fabulous apartment with my best friend to go live in my dad’s house with my brother so that I can save money, and focus on what really matters; My family, and my own happiness. In the last month I’ve grown by leaps and bounds, and I may have fallen to get there, but the fact that I got back up is what matters.

This was the first time I haven’t ignored one of my Gemini seasonal ruts as I like to call them, and I’m digging it so far. I’m moving, allowing myself to be vulnerable, finding beauty in my struggles, and learning a little bit about self-care.

That may have been a VERY different blog post then you’re used to, but I think it’s necessary. Your self-care should always come first, even before dating, friendship, financial status, work, or family. You can’t fill someone else’s glass if your own is empty.

Have the best day everyone, and I’ll do my best to get back to Sassy Gabby so we can get back to dating business.