Heyyyy, yup it’s me. This was a totally unplanned blog post. I just poured a glass of wine and decided to bust open my laptop while my oven was warming up for dinner. Now Duchess, my cat, is laying in my lap and refusing to let me up until I’ve finished this blog post. I’ve found that as much as I don’t want to write in my singles blog it really fills my cup. Even though I have no content. Literally none.
SO you’re probably wondering how I’m writing a blog post about dating even though I have “no content”. It’s true. I don’t have any but I have attempted to put myself out there again by joining the new Facebook Dating. Do you remember my blog post like 2 years around reviewing multiple dating apps? Yeah we’re going there.
Facebook Dating is literal SHIT. I’ve met ONE decent guy out of the like 1000 that have “liked” me. It’s overwhelming. Think Plenty of Fish but with a lot more dads. Sorry to say it… that just ain’t my style.
The reason why I compare it to POF is because the quality of bio’s are THE SAME. POF is known for the over explaining and over compensating. Also just a lot of weird shit. I’m going to pull up the app right now to share with you all.
I can’t believe I have to relive this. ALL FOR YOU.
1. An emoji of a smirk wearing a hat. An upside down smiley (murderous) smiley, and a ghost. WTF DOES THAT MEAN?
2. “I love all kinds of woman black white mexican asian indian I happy to make lots of ladies friends”. Wow. I just can’t fucking do this.
3. Fuck I just saw someone I know from high school.
4. “I’ll only bite if you want me to”. PLEASE STOP.
5. Oh, look! A great one. “Just seeing what’s on here. I’ll probably delete this” Yeah bro, same.
6. Oh this one has a picture of a temporary tattoo of a flower on his face. I panicked before even reading the bio. Bet it was a good one too.
7. “I’m chubby. You’ll love me”. Actually same LOL.
8. “I’m looking for a girlfriend to put my in my place” Um sir, I’m not your fucking mother.
9. “P.S. It’s gurthy” UGH WHY. THIS HURTS MY SOUL.
10. “I like treating a lady with respect during the day, and being a bad boy during then night lol. That’s about as honest as I’m willing to get. I’d like to meet you in person whatever will make you feel more comfortable being around a man”. Jesus christ, this isn’t a fucking Ludacris show. No.
Okay I officially am overwhelmed from looking through these, and am also kind of feeling like an asshole. I definitely judge these people prematurely but that’s the way these dating apps are designed, and people need to know what they’re getting into. #1-10, you’re someone’s special someone (okay maybe not the mother fucker that says he likes “all types of women” because that just sounds fucking disgusting) but you are DEFINITELY not mine. If you’re out there trying to make a dating profile then go check out my old blog post with tips on how to answer the prompts. This is ridiculous and I really need this to improve. I need hope, you guys!
Side note- the women’s bios aren’t that much better. A couple of my bi-sexual friends have shown me their female matches and it’s not any better so don’t think I’m being sexist. I only have access to men’s because I’m straight but everyone needs to practice how to have a filter.
Are you wondering what my bio is? Judge me! Mine is “Simple pleasures in life: first sip of coffee, pop of a wine cork, my ST, and my animals” PRETTY ACCURATE but also please tell me if it’s garbage because I need to know.
That’s it for tonight. I also want you all to know that writing this blog post was painful.
If you have some awesome dating stories, hit a girl up! I’m not really dating right now (except kind of? I don’t know) and I really love writing this blog. I just need your guys’ help! Stories? Terrible bios? Thoughts on dating, or relationships? Let a girl know! Let me write about you!
P.S. One of my friends got a booty call via SNAIL MAIL. An old fling lost her number but had her address and literally sent her a letter with his fucking number in it. These are the stories I need in my life. Also… you know who you are 😉
-HELLA single, and not know what the fuck she’s doing… Gabby
fabulouslyalone 