Picture this: I’m sitting in the rare sunshine that decided to grace us with its presence after being absent for too long, and I take a sip of wine and just smile. I mean, someone has to be disgustingly happy to randomly smile for no explainable reason. This my friends signifies true happiness. I’m sitting alone, not thinking about some random guy nor big things that are happening this year and I’m just smiling.
It feels so great to finally get here; truly fabulously alone. I have definitely been happy with being single for a long time, but I have never felt so effortlessly grounded and happy as I have in this moment. So what did I do? Grab my laptop because strong emotion means great writing.
About a week ago a guy randomly messaged me on Instagram after seeing it linked to my Tinder (also who does this? If we don’t match it’s for a reason), but I decided to message him back because it was 6 in the morning and I was pretty much delirious with lack of sleep. We were in the usual “what do you do for work” part of acting like each other’s presence doesn’t completely revolt us, and then he asked the dreaded “so why are you single?”. I told him that I wasn’t looking for a relationship because I was thriving on my own. He replied with “so you can’t thrive and be in a relationship? That’s a new one”… um, really dude? So old me would have jumped into the endless blackhole of “you don’t know me” but adult me just said “this is escalating quickly… have a great day!”
Y’ALL. It went south so quickly! He jumped into “now I see why you’re single” and the most popular of “you probably hook up with a ton of random guys” and my favorite of “you think this is escalating quickly?” I really wish I could make this up. But wait, I just barely managed to catch a screenshot before he blocked me on Instagram before I had a chance to really educate him about the freedom to do and be whatever the fuck I want to be. Here’s proof-
So naturally, I had to put him on blast on Instagram… Don’t judge, I’m not that whole yet.
Let me explain something really quickly- It is 100% okay for me to want to be alone. It is 100% okay for any of you to want to be single. It is NOT bad if you’re single, nor will a relationship ever feed you any sort of bullshit happiness that you’re craving. Be happy with yourself, and then if you still want to be with someone than look for that. Me? I am ridiculously happy on my own (ie. smiling in the sun like a fucking idiot for no reason). THAT is happiness. Posting photos of your boo on Facebook and calling him your king when you’re depressed because you’re his puppet… That is not happiness. Let me say it again. Happiness does NOT mean you are in a relationship, and have someone to bring home on Easter. Happiness is sitting by your damn self on Easter with your wine and being satisfied with your own presence.
Now to speak to this random guys concern (I literally don’t even know his first name, welcome to online dating), a relationship can certainly ruin the fact that I’m thriving on my own. The sheer fact that I’m thriving on my own and can recognize that a relationship may hinder that speaks to my own self awareness. I recognize that I’m most happy when I’m alone or with my girlfriends. When I think back to my old relationships I have a terrible habit of allowing my own happiness to depend on their presence. Which is exactly why I don’t want a relationship. Do I still need help sometimes when I get new car parts and have no idea how to install them, and wish I had a boyfriend to install them for me? Yeah. Do I get invited to another family function and am again the only single one, do I wish for a boyfriend? Yeah. Do I lay in bed sometimes and literally imagine the feel of another persons skin? Yes. And that’s okay, it’s human nature.
BUT, in the grand scheme of things I’m really happy on my own and I’m not willing to compromise that right now. Maybe in a few months I’ll feel confident enough to know that I can maintain my own happiness without the constant reassurance of a man, and I’ll decide to start dating again. But for now, I am amazing on my own, and I dare someone to argue with me on this.
Let me repeat myself- it is OKAY to be alone at holiday regardless of your family’s opinions. It is perfectly fine to be alone when you’re at a big work get-together, and it is acceptable to want to be alone. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re simply secure with your own self and to get to this point is the biggest mountain to climb.
Yeah, I’m stupid happy on my own, and if you don’t understand the concept then let’s sit and have a glass of wine and I’d love to talk about it for hours. Singledom and being forever and happily alone is a feat, and I’d love to help you get there.
Your really fucking heated Gemini who is ready to fight anyone who tries to argue with me about this subject… but also lemme educate you in the best of ways, Gabby