Welp, here I am; reporting for duty with some updates on what’s going on in my boring life. Seriously, when did my life get so boring?
Okay, but actually I have super exciting news! I’m proud to announce that me, myself, and I have gotten approved for a home loan! I’m now on the hunt for the perfect dwelling and you know I have a lot to pack in one little space; Me, my animals, my huge hair (actually I chopped it off…), all of my wine, and of course my attitude. Maybe a condo for lil ol’ me will be too small?
I also mostly quit smoking! I know the mostly part sounds sketchy but it was a pretty brutal transition and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t smoke nor vape when I’m alone… Now when I’m with other smokers it’s hard to resist so I’m still working on that part. At least I’m honest right?!
Besides that I chopped my hair off and if you’re not careful I’ll ask for the manager because I insist, these coupons are NOT expired…
I also got a new car! Yes yes yes yes! I’m very happy. She is my little bit of sunshine and Vitamin D (I’m sure you thought I was going somewhere different with that)… she’s also quick too, and OH I love that I have a bright car to match my dark soul! Say hello to sassy lil Lola-
AND in less than two weeks I’ll be in beautiful Napa Valley with my best girlfriends and with the recent fires we’re making an effort to conserve water by drinking champagne and wine. Ya know, saving the world!
Now you’re waiting for the news about a new guy right? Well, sorry to disappoint but I am still SUPER single. Today I was sitting outside in the little bit of sunshine we had with my girlfriend and we were both swiping away on Tinder. We came across swingers, two naked men, a man in a woman’s bathing suit, and of course a lot of fuckboys. If that doesn’t sum up my dating life, I don’t know what else would.
Anyways I don’t know why I’m on my blog right now. I have literally nothing worth saying besides sharing my exciting start to 2018. I noticed I have a few frequent visitors on the site even when I don’t post, so whoever you are; I see you and I love the support. It makes me feel like maybe I can drop by and say hey even when I have nothing meaningful to share.
I suppose I can’t close without SOME sort of advice so here it is, listen up- whatever you’re waiting for, stop. Stop waiting for a man to come along to buy a house. Stop waiting for a bonus to get a shiny new car. Stop waiting for an apology and “I fucked up” text from your ex, and DEFINITELY stop being mean to yourself and trust me, I had to remind myself of that one today. Stop looking in the mirror and thinking about the stretch marks, and stop thinking about how fat that ass has gotten.
Buy the house, take the vacation, get a new number, smack that fat ass, blow a kiss at your reflection, and for fucks sake… get some sunshine in your life and just enjoy this moment. Right now.