With mere weeks left of 2017, I’ve begun reflecting back on the past year and let me tell you… it’s quite honestly been the most disappointing year of my life. It hasn’t been the most tragic or painful, nor the happiest but somewhere in between which almost makes it worse. Like nothing significant enough happened to ensue self pity, and yet nothing great happened either and that in itself was a huge learning opportunity for myself. My life has always been one of extremes containing magnificent highs, and disturbing lows… except this year. It was weird!
Anyways, one of the things that I noticed that left me thinking was being the only one that’s 100% single, and not dating. I was in multiple relationships this year, and yet when they ended it was like my whole sense of desire died with them. Again, weird. A lot of my really close friends also went through changes in their existing relationships and I thought to myself “holy shit, we’re actually all single!”, and that’s still mostly true… except they’re still dating like sane people. Now let me tell you, it’s not like the opportunity hasn’t risen, actually quite the opposite. It’s like the ghosts of boyfriends past all came rushing out of my closet of secrets all at once, and I even had some new opportunities come up but I quite honestly have 0 desire to even talk to people. This has been the scenario that’s been on repeat for the last few months:
Friend: “so…. tell me… any new guys?”
Me: “Oh hell no. It’s like a desert up in here. DRY AS A DESERT.”
Friend: *laughs* “what happened to your hoe phase?”
Me: “Girl. I am so bored, uninterested, and frankly mortified by these predictable mofo’s that I can’t even bring myself to enter into a hoe phase with them”.
So yeah. That sums it up. I’m sick of the “what’s up sexy” and the “send me pics” and the “you’re so damn beautiful though… how?” Like for gods sake dude is that all you’ve got?!
Regardless I wouldn’t ever stoop that low in my past, but I could at least have some fun and flirt! Now I just toss my phone to the side and think about the next time I have to go to the gym because even THAT is more entertaining at this point. Now, back to my original point…
My friends are all actually dating really great guys! Now, there doesn’t seem to be any guarantees for them yet but they’re all genuinely enjoying themselves in their dating escapades and I’m actually stoked for them. Not going to lie, I was jealous as fuck at first. I was thinking “damn, I need me one good guy.” but then I realized, if they were in my shoes would I want them thinking that way, and I instantly snapped out of it. Even I have my moments I am less than proud of! I just know that I’m exhausted from the effort that goes into dating so I’m taking a little bit of a vacation. This will include a lot of TV, trying to better some of my bad habits, and a lot of girls nights that include all of the latest gossip about their dating adventures.
So here I’ll be, awaiting the recap text of the date my friend just went on while swerving dudes who can’t come up with something more interesting than “when can I see you?”.