5 Non-Negotiables

Fair warning, I’ve had two BIG glasses of Pinot Noir and caught up on The Bachelor so you already know I am full of sass! To begin, I’d just like to say that 2017 has not been half bad so far! Nothing significantly good has happened in my personal life, though nothing bad has happened so I am hoping for a smooth ride the rest of the year. 2017 has really consisted of watching a lot TV, one of those shows being The Millionaire Matchmaker.

If you haven’t seen the show, it’s a show produced by Patti Stanger that involves a woman (Stanger) who is hired by millionaires to find their perfect match. Let me just say that I absolutely LOVE Patti. That woman has a pair of balls bigger than any man that I met, and she is amazing at recognizing peoples’ vulnerabilities. I strive to be this woman. Anyways, in a recent episode she talked about how important it is to have something called “5 Non-Negotiables”. This means that after going through a few relationships and being able to recognize what may and may not have worked for you, having a concrete list of what you MUST have in every single future man/woman that you can refer back to. If the person in question doesn’t meet these qualities, than hit the road Jack! It definitely got me thinking about what my list of non-negotiables were, and hence this blog post. This is one blog post I know I will return to any time I find a potential man. Let’s start!

  1. A man who is 100% secure and confident with themselves. I’ve dated men in the past who constantly felt the need to mold to whomever he was expected to be. If he’s the “life of the party” and liked by everyone, he probably is not my one and only because he is most likely faking some part of himself. He doesn’t need to have his whole life figured out, and I am sure more growth will happen, but I can’t keep seeing different sides of someone depending on the environment. Not this time!
  2. A man who knows what he want. I think this may be on a lot of ladies list, but this may even take place of my current #1. I have been in WAY too many relationships where they simply don’t know what they hell they want. I’ve gotten all of the scenarios. “I’ll love you forever, but I just can’t be with you right now” or “You’re an amazing person, and I don’t want to lose you so let’s just be friends”. I’ve even gotten “You’re the only person that understands me but I just need some time” and also “I’m into you but we have a really great friendship and I don’t want to lose that”. I’m sure all of these men may have had their own reasonings (or excuses) for saying these things, but I’ve gotten really good at protecting myself after hearing these things. I also know I’ve given second, third and even fourth chances to men after they turn around with some bullshit excuse so no, I am NOT falling for that again.  I must go for a guy who knows he wants me off the bat, and will do what he needs to in order to make it happen. I will stop settling for mediocre boys who don’t know what they want.
  3. A man who accepts me even when I am at my lowest. I was once in a relationship where this man continuously put me down in an indirect way that belittled, and brought me down as a person over time. I must promise myself that if a man ever again tells me that he “doesn’t feel like I try anymore” than I need to pack my bag and get the hell out of there. If he says “I’m here for you, but I just can’t handle how sad you always are” than I know that I could never rely on a secure future with this man. By always being vulnerable and genuine I know I can achieve this one.
  4. A man who isn’t afraid to work for what he wants in life. I’m not a lazy person when it comes to the things I want in life, and when I set my mind on something, I do everything in my power to achieve it. I need a man who can keep up with me, and maybe even out run me. I haven’t seen this one yet, so let’s see if it’s possible.
  5. Someone who challenges me. I haven’t ever been with a person who has genuinely challenged me, or truly intrigued me. I like to think that I’m good at reading people, and my gut hasn’t been wrong yet. From the get go, I can generally tell what a man can bring to the table, and I have never been challenged. Quite frankly, it’s boring and I want the love of my life to be someone who isn’t afraid to stand up to me. I know I can be a lot, and I’m looking for someone who can give me a simple look that makes my blood boil with competitiveness. If I can find someone with this talent, than that will keep me on my toes and keep me in love.

WOW, what a list. I really wasn’t sure what my non-negotiable’s were until I wrote this list. I knew the first two, but once I got to the third the rest really just flowed right out of my finger tips. I think that finding someone who satisfies all five of these things will be very difficult, maybe even nearly impossible, but once it happens I know that he will truly set my soul on fire. I want to hear about your 5 non-negotiable’s! Please comment or feel free to bounce off of this blog. If you don’t want to be as open as me, write one for yourself that you can refer back to. Set yourself up for success, and keep yourself accountable!

It’s time to go pour another glass of wine, and watch the snow fall!

With love,

The girl with fire in her eyes.


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