I haven’t written a blog post, or even visited my own blog since August and I am pretty disgusted with myself. At first I blamed it on the fact that I was seeing someone, but after that ended I realized that my hesitance stemmed from self-doubt, which is also shameful. For a little while I simply questioned if I was fit to write a blog about being a happily single woman, because I wasn’t happy. But here I am, laying in bed, and the words are flowing effortlessly and my soul seems a little more full.
Last night I was hanging out with a friend and he asked me what happened to my blog, and that’s when I realized I had to get back in my groove. I had to figure out what I wanted to say, and why I wanted to say it. With some help from my best friend, I realized that on this merry eve of Christmas, I do indeed have a lot I need to say.
365 days ago I was enjoying the holiday with my family while I anxiously awaited a text from someone that I thought meant a lot to me. Though it seemed as though it was just another Christmas, last Christmas might be my most regretful because I didn’t fully appreciate the moment I was given; the last Christmas with my dad. My stomach was in knots, my heart continued to flutter, and I was not in the moment with my family. When that text finally came a few days into 2016, it finally allowed me to begin the process of closing a chapter of my life and deciding how I would write my new one.
Here we are, 365 days later and a lot has changed. Yes, I had multiple life changing events happen (my dad passing, my breast reduction surgery, losing 30 pounds) but there is so much more that happened that I didn’t realize until today. This year, I was able to look up into a bit of light from where I was standing at rock bottom, and I somehow climbed my way up. On this day, I am able to say with complete certainty that I know what I am worth. On this day, I can look myself in the eye in the mirror and say “you did your best, and that is all that matters” which is not something I thought I would ever be able to do. On this day, I am able to gracefully accept that life doesn’t always go as planned, and that’s the beauty of it.
I’ve learned that I need to stop planning every single moment, and that is what absolutely shocks me about my personal growth in this last year. In another 365 days I have no idea where I will work, or live, or who I will be with. I have no idea if by that time I would even have found someone who can challenge me and grow with me. By next year, I have absolutely no clue what my life will look like and that is completely acceptable. Going forward in these next 365 days all I crave is to have continued this personal growth i have already succeeded at.
I am so excited to get back into regularly writing, and I promise I won’t let you guys down. Enjoy this day with your loved ones, and I’ll see you in 2017.