Online Dating for Dummies

So an old friend of mine recently reached out to me on Facebook after reading a few of my blog posts, and asked me for some advice as he had just joined Plenty of Fish. I definitely word vomited more than what was probably welcome, but I loved that a male was asking for my opinion. After I gave him my advice, I continued to think about what it would look like if a guy created the PERFECT profile, from a girls perspective. Can you tell yet what this post will be about, yet?

Let me tell you, I almost went a little overboard and created a fake POF account to use as an example, and then realized I’d have no men’s pictures to put up… Unless of course I have some volunteers who would like to take one for the team *wiggles eyebrows*. So instead, it’ll just be little ol’ me blabbing on about what I think most women would like to see on a dating profile, and what makes us run for the hills. Saving the dating world, one fuck boy at a time!

Let’s use POF as an example, and I’m going to walk you through each section of setting up a profile. Remember, this is for setting up a guys profile, since I am speaking from what I would like to see as a woman. Got it? Here we go!


Okay so let’s start with your user name, and yes even this matters. It acts as your first impression, and that’s one you definitely can not change! I can’t count how many guys I said “hell no” to because their user name was something like “dopeboy69”. Like really? I have no words for this. Try to aim for something that’s related to your name, and maybe has something to do with hobby of yours. As a woman, I analyze every single thing on your profile before I even reply to your message. That’s how serious this is boys!

Next is the random ass blank gather field that gives absolutely no instruction as to what it’s supposed to represent. Mine says “make me laugh” because I still have no fucking clue what is supposed to go in there. I have noticed many guys saying things like “Get to know me and you won’t be let down” which by the way sounds super desperate, and other guys will say “easy going guy” which I think is most definitely more appropriate. This is part of your selling point since it shows up under your username, picture, age, and location. This is supposed to be what catches our attention so use something that’s indicative of who you are, and makes us stop for a second to look through your profile. You have to remember we get a SHIT ton of messages, and no I don’t look at everyone’s or answer everyone. You need to stand out in this dog eat dog world. Or fish eat fish?

Next on the list is a drop down list of your Personality Type. I personally  hate this part because it makes me question my identity. Am I intellectual, or am I a bookworm? I can’t do this! *panic* I would suggest being as honest as possible in this area. That’s the only advice I have.

Next is the really boring stuff that you shouldn’t have to think about. If you’re thinking, you’re trying too hard and are on the border line of being a fuck boy. Just be REAL. It asks your location, first name, height, if you’re a smoker, body type, and ethnicity. The body type area is a little more difficult for some, so it also has the option to add “prefer not to say”. This is also another way of saying “a few extra pounds, I just don’t want to admit it” which I get. I am right there with ya!

Moving on, we arrive to the Basic Information area. It asks if you’re straight, and what you’re looking for on POF. Now this is a test, because this tells a lot about you. If you choose “hang out” that means fuck buddy. We all know it, so don’t try and act like it’s anything else. If you choose “long term” or “dating” you will most likely be more successful. Now if you choose “friends” then get the hell off of POF. Why would you be on this for friends?! Just download Pokemon Go or something! OY!

Lol, marital status. Ah, the golden ticket. If you’re not single, divorced, or widowed then gtfo. Now the next like 10 questions are all drop down choices that are really simple questions. Don’t lie on these areas because if we meet up and I have to pick you up even though you claimed to have a car, I am out. So quick.

After answering all of those boring questions, we approach the Relationship Information section which asks what your intent is, and how long your longest relationship was. Let me give you some insight on this area. Obviously, you should be completely honest. I can’t stress this enough. If you choose “No commitment” for your intent, then it all warns us that you’re probably an asshole with commitment issues. If we’re looking to get laid, then cool let’s do it and we won’t have expectations for more. It’s a win-win for everyone! Next is the “longest relationship” choice and I personally pay a lot of attention to this. I don’t date guys whose longest relationship was less than a year. I pay attention to this because a length of a relationship tells a lot about  maturity, and if you are a serial dater then I can’t fuck with you.

Now the second to best part… “about  me”. Now this, my dear gentleman, is why it’s so important to listen up. If you’ve zoned out throughout this whole blog, now would be a great time to focus again. Here we go… DO NOT talk about what you expect women to do for you. This is my number one red flag. When you say shit like “If you can’t hang with the boys on a night of drinking, don’t bother” it literally lights a fire inside of me and it’s not the good kind. Don’t give me specifics about what you may consider a success. Don’t feel the need to literally sell yourself with something like “I have a full time job, and own my home”. Do you want a congratulations balloon? Like I’m confused… Just tell me ABOUT you. I love when I can hear a guys passion through his bio, even if it’s about something I have no care for. Into cars? Awesome! Tell me about the mods you’ve done on your car or why you’re into imports or domestics. Just give me some sort of accurate idea as to who YOU are, not what you’ve done.

Last but not least, we come to uploading pictures. This is an interesting one because a lot of guys are absolutely terrible at taking pictures. Its simple really… Choose one that tells me something about you or your hobbies, show me one of you with your friends, or just a full body photo (NOT shirtless), and a few selfies. Now if you’re completely stone faced in your photos, you better just take all new photos. Also please don’t choose some from your graduation 3 years ago. Move on!

Oh my, do my fingers hurt after typing all of that. Well, there it is folks. How to: Dating Profiles for Dummies. Totally disagree with me, or have something to add? I want to hear from you! Want to guest blog and write this from a dude’s perspective? Let me know, that actually sounds like a great time! Happy  Hump Day y’all, and happy hunting! 😉




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