I Love Me, Can I Love You?

Before I start, I’d just like to address my last post. In no way was I attempting to offend anyone with the post since it was a bit risque. In today’s day and age I am a firm believer that both male and females should have the freedom to explore their sexuality without judgement. If you look at it from a biology standpoint, we are meant to simply mate and make babies. We are generally raised to find our mate in life, get married, have babies, and then die. Though these guidelines seem pretty black and white there is so much gray space that it seems unrealistic to hold other people to your own standards. Your life is yours, my life is mine. I’ve chosen to be unashamed of my choices, and if you remember my Mission Statement from a previous post then you would know that is a huge part of my life. I live my life by being proud of the choices I make whether they were life changing, or shameful. The beautiful part about being human is having the choice to dabble in the gray area rather than stick to the formatted version of life that we are fed growing up. Take that as you will, but I sincerely hope you may take a moment to think about this concept before judging me for my decisions. Now, let’s get down to the nitty gritty here!

There has been one question that has risen more than a few times this week, and that tells me it’s something I really need to think about. If you’ve been following along on my blog, you may have made an observation to yourself that “damn, Gabby  has high standards”. And I do. I’ve always known this about myself, but as I get older (yes I know I’m only 21), I begin to wonder; Are my standards too high? I’ve even asked this before in my blog but the question continues to come back and currently huddles in a section of my brain, refusing to leave. What I struggle with is that I think I know why this question continues to hang around, but I quite honestly don’t want to face it because it means thinking about my mistakes in past relationships. Where I went wrong, what I did right, what my partner may have had the right idea of, and why I got hurt. Again, are my standards too high? Let’s explore this.

I am young, and pretty damn naive. I know this. I am only 21, have been in love once, and continue to go back to that time in my life whenever I need answers. Anytime something really bothers me, like this question, the answer can generally be found during those years of my life because I learned an incredible amount about love, myself, relationships, and life during that time. What I did learn about this subject during my first love is that in the process of dating someone I definitely have high standards, but after I’ve fallen for said person, those standards dissolve away. I put the rose colored glasses on, and every “red flag” is somehow justifiable in my mind. Somehow in the middle of getting to know each other, and being in a relationship my standards slipped away and it caused for an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship. I can’t say that happens during every single relationship since I’ve really only let myself fall once, but looking back on it now and asking myself “are my standards too high?” my gut says that no, they’re not because I know my worth.

Knowing your worth is so absolutely crucial in a relationship, but then I begin to wonder if it ever becomes blinding, similar to love. I’ve been single for almost two years now, and in those two years I’ve begun to really fall in love with myself. I love how driven I am, and how I never let anyone or anything get in my way of what I know I deserve. I love spending time with  myself, and I love how I can go from scrubbing it in the house, to looking drop dead gorgeous going out with my girls. I love how I am somehow supporting myself, and still finding the means to spoil myself as well. I love how I am treating myself, and because of this I grow concerned that this causes my standards to be too high. I know myself, and obviously do things I know that I will love but another person can’t read me and know me completely. I always tell myself “I won’t settle for bullshit mediocre love because I do just fine on my own”, but do I do so well for myself that I sometimes don’t see what’s standing right in front of me?

This is where it gets really terrifying. What if my “soul mate” or whatever has already walked into my life but I missed it because I was too busy “doing me”? What if I actually don’t know what I need, and instead of looking for someone who can keep up with me I began looking for someone who did better than me? What if I’m so into myself, I don’t have room to like anyone else? It’s so interesting how one question can make so many others arise, but if we’re looking at the bigger picture I still have no idea if my standards are too high.

Since I can’t seem to answer this question on my own, I asked some friends if my standards were too high. Here’s what I got: “absolutely not”. To the people that love me already, it seems comical to even ask that question. But something another one said really stuck with me. She said, “I don’t think your standards are too high, BUT I do think that you need to enter each potential relationship with no expectations.” and that really amazed me. If you enter each relationship with no expectations then you’ll never be disappointed, only pleasantly surprised when they end up doing something for you. Walking away from this post, I still can’t really answer if one’s standards can ever really be too high but I can confidently say that stepping back to examine ones expectations in a relationship could be very healthy. If I could turn back time and do that with my first love, I would most definitely do that since it seemed a misunderstanding of expectations could have been a root cause of our falling out of love.

Life is interesting, right? I hope a deep post like this one didn’t scare you all away. I really enjoyed writing it, and I would love to hear what you all think about standards and expectations. It’s actually really intriguing to think about and I’m sure will keep you busy for a bit thinking about it. 5866c90ee49943418a20fb7c20d1dca2

 

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